College Visit and Four Miler

PBA's library, with a Einstein Bros. Bagels in the lobby

 As usual, my visit to a college made me totally eager to begin classes right then and there. PBA has a nice campus, and is exactly one mile away from the beach. I was creating running routes in my head during most of the visit. When my parents and I first arrived at the admissions office, we chilled in the lobby while waiting for the other prospective students to arrive and watched a video highlighting some of PBA's features.
After taking a general tour of the campus, we ate lunch in the cafe. I was extremely overwhelmed by all of the milling students and meal options in the area, so I just picked up a bowl of chicken and rice soup, which was pretty good. My parents then told me to get more food, so I went over to what I guessed was the healthier station and ordered beef strips stir fried with green peppers and an egg roll.
I didn't lift my eyes off of my food until the cafe emptied a little bit. I was experiencing my own version of an anxiety attack. Again. I had forgotten what it felt like - the nervousness, not meeting anyone in the eye, terrified of the prospect of anyone talking to me. The last time I had felt like this was during my Sophomore year of highschool, when I entered a crowded public school for the first time since elementary school.
These attacks always come when I am in crowded areas and feel isolated because I don't know anyone. They come during concerts, youth group gatherings, and situations like this. I felt the first stage coming during chapel. I was surrounded by people who knew each other and who seemed very outgoing. This is when I stopped smiling and began slipping into my introverted cave. My dad later said that it looked like if a cave appeared under my chair, I would have eagerly crawled into it. In the second stage of this attack, I can only think about my weight, and how I wish I could disappear or simultaneously drop 15 pounds, which explains my loss of appetite in the cafe. I usually feel very cast down during this stage, and am prone to mentally attack everything about myself- how I look, what I am wearing, etc.
The way that I crawl back into sanity is usually by finding a cup of coffee and praying, especially thanking God for all of the blessings he has given me. Bolting into a bathroom to cry never helps, but only pushes me further into a slough of despondency. I remember once, during a concert, I felt excluded from the group I was with, which was made up of my mom, sister, cousin, and a group of 20-somethings we knew from church. I slipped to the back and couldn't stop crying. My mom and sister couldn't understand what was wrong with me, and I couldn't tell them.
I have found that going for a run helps me regain my control over my emotions, helping erase my feelings of anxiety and sadness. I also am able to subconciously pray and really tell God what my mind is going through when I run. I come back feeling cleansed and like I have a sense of purpose.

Anyways, back to my visit. I was able to find a cappuccino machine in the cafe and take a walk with my parents, reviving my sense of enthusiasm and allowing me to smile again.  One really awesome thing that happened was that the admissions director arranged a tour of the Journalism building for me and another girl, Mackenzie. We had the opportunity to meet four faculty members, and observed the television broadcasting studio, the switch room, the editing room, the newspaper and yearbook center, and the equipment room. I have yet to experience that in any other college I have visited. Quite frankly, I believe that the opportunity to meet actual professors in human form and talk to them while visiting their habitats increased my favor of the school by 50%. It made it a tad easier to swallow the price tag of the university, which came out to $33,500 per year (including room and board).

Delicious. I keep my energy bars amidst my jeans so that my family doesn't mistake them for a snack. But really, it's pretty sad when you are looking for an energy bar to pack for before track practice only to realize that someone has been feasting upon your energy food. Once, I wanted to bake dark chocolate brownies, but in order to save the chocolate from consumption I had to hide the bag inside my oatmeal box. Apparently old-fashioned oatmeal is like a force shield.

Once we arrived back home I began my afternoon run after snacking on an orange and cinnamon graham crackers. Thanks to the 10 mph winds, it wasn't too hot. I had to stop and walk a few times when I could feel my lunch trying to crawl back out, which reinforces my suspicion that no matter how long I wait, I cannot run after eating red meat without it attempting to re-emerge into the daylight.

TOTAL WORK OUT: 4.03 miles, 48 minutes

Q&A

What is your favorite energy bar?

Right now, Clif, but I am dying to try Picky Bars (created by pro runner Lauren Fleshman)

Do you prefer your coffee hot or cold?

Hot. There is something about a warm cup of coffee, with the wisps of steam floating upwards, that feels very soothing.