Home!

After cultivating a bouquet of stench, the wet clothing thrown into plastic bags and left to stagnate in the trunk of the van since Monday has been released. If this blog stops abruptly it is because I have swooned from the pungent odor. My favorite computer happens to be in front of the washer-machine and dryer, so whenever my mother walks in with laundry the aroma of sweat and other unidentifiable smells surrounds the air, even after the clothing is shut into the washer. Such is the case this morning.
By an unexpected miracle, my family drove from Tenneessee to our South Floridian home on Tuesday in 12 hours. This miracle was made possible by God's grace, who made the creation of Dunkin Donut's coffee and sugary baked goods possible. The 6-hour audiobook  Dominion by Randy Alcorn and several "I Love Lucy" episodes also killed the dull monotony that usually accompanies long drives.
Promptly upon arriving home (around 11 PM), I walked straight to my room and hugged my mattress. However, I was so excited to be home that I only slept for about 5 hours, awaking early in the morning to go for a run.

Whitewater rafting on the Ococe River

Rock City & The invasion of gnomes

After touring a cave in raccoon mountain (where the tour guide is a definite 9), my family traveled to Rock City. Here is a visual synopsis of our adventure.

 

"Fat Man's Squeeze"

Venti iced green tea

"Wood" you vacation here?

My Cracker Barrel conquest in the middle of our drive to Wildwood, Georgia.

Our final destination, a cabin out in the boondocks, is a perfect wooden square furnished with wooden chairs, wooden cabinets, a wooden ceilings, a wooden toilet seat, and to top it all off, a fireplace in front of a woven rug. Yep, no fire hazards here. Just about every article of furniture and art is inspired by Native Americans and lumberjacks. The only break in this theme is  a photograph of JFK oddly placed in the bathroom. Whoever decorated this rustic cabin was influenced by a desire for functionality, as two wooden paddles hang beside the front window partly for decor and partly for self-defense if the cabin dwellers have to fend off wildlife. My sister and dad are catching fireflies outside...

Ashley's Quarters

• Same name as mine, spelled correctly (25 pts)
• Coffee and chocolate chip cookies in the morning (25 pts)
• Kitchen in the hotel room (15 pts)
• Pillows resembling giant jet-puff marshmallows (15 pts)
• Free dvd rental - watched Vantage Point last night (10 pts)

I absolutely loved this hotel. A mere 3 stories high, it presented a brick facade reminiscent of colonial times. It even had  stone pineapple carvings, which were a symbol of hospitality in early America. I give it 5 stars squared.

Creation Museum

Yesterday morning my family climbed into the minivan and journeyed to the Creation Museum in Kentucky. The building was relatively simple on the outside like most other museums, but was surrounded by a sprawling, breathtaking garden. Upon our entrance we were greeted by a rather large skeleton of a mastedon (wooly mammoth). As I conteplated the intimidating size of the creature, I toyed with the idea of hanging a hammock between it's tusks. That would make a marvelous swing as long as you didn't fall off.
With my father and brother being uber space nerds, we watched the planetarium show exactly 30 minutes after entering the museum. The cushy seats reclined, allowing the audience to view the projected images on the curved ceiling. The chairs were so cushy, and the room was so dark, and the stars were so "awe-inspiring" that I almost fell asleep. With my hoodie and sweatpants on, I could have had quite a delightful nap.

I deleted my Tumblr

1. This blog is way more awesome; Tumblr just dulled in comparison.
2. Managing multiple media outlets is difficult.

Travel Terminology

• Carafe: fancy term for a container commonly used to hold coffee. Equivalent to the holy grail in my book.
• Fartlek (Swedish for speedplay): The desperate sprint from the minivan to the restrooms.
• Buggy: Southern term for what is known as a "shopping cart".  The first time a lady in Walmart used this term I had no idea what she was talking about. She must have thought that I was pretty weird since I looked at her like she was an alien who asked me if I wanted to eat a cookie from mars.

Kentucky

In a spurt of spontaneity, my mother led our family to a tram ride in the middle of Gatlinburg, Tenneessee. Packed with children squealing with excitment, the tram swung  back and forth 300 ft above the ground. I am slightly agrophobic (fearful of heights) and clung to Tina's arm until we safely reached the top of the mountain. Risking life and limb on an Alpine Slide, my mother and siblings left my dad and I to split a slice of chocolate chip fudge. It was absolutely divine.
After a five hour drive and lunch stop at Applebee's, my family is now staying at a hotel in Kentucky.

Tina just burnt her toast...

Now we have to open the windows of the cabin to let the smoke out. Hopefully Smokey the bear won't visit us. If he does, I will blame Tina.

Tina's quote upon hearing this post: "At least I like bear meat."

Hiking, Cookie Dough, & Hamburgers

With Monk playing on the television behind me, writing this blog might take a little longer than usual. After our 4 hour hike, my family is absolutely exhausted (I must be pretty tired too, because I just typed "crazy" instead of "exhausted"). The 7 mile hike was gorgeous, covered by leafy green canopies, steep slopes, jutting trails and trickling streams. While in Laurel Falls, I discovered that Tina has a streak of mountain gazelle in her; gracefully jumping onto boulders at the speed of lightning without stumbling as I cautiously clambered from stone to stone. The best part of the hike was running downhill, which = flying.

"Puffins"

This morning, Tina and I decided to make pancakes, however, we had no butter. We reasoned that canola oil would work just as well as butter. After stirring the pancake mix and heating the oil in the skillet, Tina poured the batter onto the splatttering oil. Bubbling like water in a hot tub, the sizzling batter soon began to emit smoke. Our efforts only resulted in two burnt flapjacks and a smoke-filled kitchen. In yet another stroke of genius, Tina and I decided to make muffins with the pancake mix. Dubbing them "puffins" we mixed brown sugar, applesauce, honey, and dried cranberries into the batter before baking them. In the end, they still tasted like pancakes in a muffin mold. Timothy ended up breaking up the muffins and pouring syrup on them, eating it like a crumbled pancake.

Monte Python and the quest for a swimsuit

Mountains adorned with acres of trees curve into a gorgeous blue silhouette, conjuring a misty quality that serves as a backdrop for the tourist trap we are in. The said tourist trap is an opening between the mountains completely paved over with asphalt. Across the murky asphalt sea are chains of restaurants and hotels randomly scattered among the ranks of utility poles. One particular sign in front of the establishment where my family dined last night reads: "Tri one our 4 new tasty dishes." Whilst my sister and I stuck with the secure fare of grilled chicken and sweet potato fries, the rest of my clan partook in the seafood buffet, and as a result, are now suffering the consequences. I could have fortold this outcome from the second sign that declared: "buses welcome." (bad past experience from school field trips)
Once in the motel (yes, my parents financial savvy led to another deisgn downgrade but an economic upgrade) my mother discovered that she left her swimsuit at home. Unable to bear the insurmountable burden of having no swimsuit to enjoy river tubing in, my mother, sister, and I whisked ourselves into the minivan. Using the GPS as a guide, we drove towards what we assumed was a mall. Alas, the GPS had deceived us, leading us to a houchie-mama outlet. After going through racks of swimsuits made mostly of strings, bling, and bunnies with bow-ties, we rapidly retreated back to the minivan.
 Our next destination was Walmart, and after encountering the knights of Ni and providing them with a shrubbery, we arrived at our destination. This Walmart was like a warhouse, I mean warehouse, meant to store airplanes. Wondering through the labyrinth of "bargains", we finally came upon the desired aquatic coverings. Our quest had finally been completed. Time to watch cupcake wars and sleep.

Burnt Tap

How do you know when your parents have been economically savvy by choosing a cheaper hotel? When the coffee tastes like burnt tap water. First, I attempted to make coffee in the hotel room's Sunbeam machine. Failed. Then, I descended down into the lobby for coffee. Same bland result. In a final, desperate attempt I walked to the minivan for the packets of Folgers that I keep in the trunk for emergencies such as this. Once I reached the hotel lobby, I ceremonially poured the hot water from the spiget into my styrofoam cup. As the steam rose from the cup, I carefully tore open my coffee packet; pulling out the coffee bag, I inhaled the rich aroma before placing it into the boiling-hot water. After allowing the coffee to brew for few minutes, I took a tentative sip. It was then that I realized that even Folgers could not salvage a good cup of coffee from tap water.

Eat More Chikin'

It did not fully hit me until I reached Ocala that #1, summer is here, and #2, I am going to be away from my favorite mattress for more than two weeks. I will survive, however, for as long as my Kashi cereal and fruit supplies last. And for as long my dad's laptop keeps its internet connection.
Currently, my entire family is sprawled upon the hotel beds like a herd of whales beached upon the sand after many days (or in this case, 6 hours) of arduous travel. I have been instructed to wake them up at 4 PM before we visit our grandparents and have been warned that I will be grounded if I make any references to snuggled walruses in my blog as they sleep. (As if they would ground me during vacation.)
Right by our hotel is the salvation of Ashley-kind's hunger: Chick-fil-a. My only beef with them is that their serving portion of chicken nuggets is too small. Twelve pieces??? You can't be serious. An Ashley-worthy meal means 20 pieces with a fruit bowl. So for lunch, I took the firefighting cow's advice and ate more chicken. Delish.

Why I made this blog

1. My father informed me that tumblr is as unsavvy in the technological world as crocs are in the arena of fashion. (not his exact words, spiffy-ness added)
2. Nevertheless, he posted my tumblr URL on the family website.
3. My tumblr serves as a fitblr, not fodder for family vacation blogs and my amazingly mundane life.
4. Brilliant idea: write a separate blog that has absolutely nothing to do with fitness or healthy eating habits.
5. Genius.